By Ryan Tibbens
It has come to my attention that the Eastern Hellbender is about to be named the official state amphibian of Pennsylvania. As such, it is a no-brainer to rename the Harrisburg Senators, the beloved minor league baseball team, as the Harrisburg Hellbenders. While that is the obvious name choice, this awesome amphibian also goes by snot otter, mud devil, Allegheny alligator, devil dog, and lasagna lizard. Not only is the name far more interesting, appealing, and intimidating, but it also offers a subtle commentary on the state of politics in the state and country. Most Americans would rather cheer for the Hellbender -- a two foot, nocturnal amphibian native to Pennsylvania -- than most elected officials. So, this is our chance to do it. The similarities are striking -- the team plays on an island in a river, plays mostly night games, and is good enough to deserve a more unique, spirited name. Plus, think how much better the logo and merchandise will be. Please sign this Change.org petition (our first at Read.Think.Write.Speak.), share it far and wide, and get ready to cheer on the Harrisburg Hellbenders in 2020!
Because no one else